The signs are usually quiet. A missed appointment. A repeated story. A drive that no longer feels safe. Adult children sense the role-reversal coming long before they know how to begin.
The hardest part is rarely the eventual decisions. It is starting the conversation at all.
When to begin
Earlier than feels comfortable. The right conversation, three years before crisis, lands gently. The same conversation, three days after crisis, lands as conflict.
If your parents are over seventy and you have not yet had a structured conversation about their future preferences — for care, for finances, for end-of-life — the time is now.
What to talk about
Their wishes for staying at home versus moving. Their willingness to receive in-home support. Whether they have current wills and powers of attorney. Where their important documents live. Who they would want to make decisions on their behalf, in what order. How they want to be remembered.
Not all in one conversation. Not all at once. But all eventually — gently, on the right day, with the right person in the room.